If you find a bunch of bones that are A: untouched and B: supernaturally clean, there is definitely a reason for both of those things. Sometimes that reason is ants. Sometimes those ants are fire ants. Sometimes those fire ants have made a nest over the entire three meter area around those bones
Sounds like someone had an adventure with fire ants
I love that this started like one of those rural Gothic posts and ended with “FUCK FIRE ANTS”
For Traitor: neck retraction exercise. While lying in bed with your head flat against the mattress, give yourself the biggest double chin you can. Repeat 10 times.
For Jackass: stop hiking your shoulders up to your ears. This is pretty much a stress thing, it’s human instinct to protect our neck when we’re under stress so that predators can’t get at it. Easiest way to do that is be elevating the shoulders, so. Periodically take not of where your shoulders are at.
Absolute Fuckwaffle: stretch out your chest. The rhomboids on the back work to keep our shoulder blades back, so when we’re hunched forward they are constantly straining to do their job. Unfortunately it’s not as simple as telling you to stand up straight, since our pectorals get chronically tight and prevent us from doing so. Step one: pectoral stretches. Hold for at least 20 seconds.
Asshole: Superman exercises. Like the rhomboids, the ESGs are straining against the slump. Stretching the chest will help them, too, but then you e got to strengthen your back. Do 20 of those per day.
traitor tried to murder me last night and fuckwaffle is always up on my shit
this map is fascinating for a variety of reasons but the particular part of it that made me fall down a wikihole was the Cucuteni–Trypillian culture, which I was not familiar with. they seem pretty cool for a variety of reasons but what caught my eye is that they’d build a city, literally the largest city in the world they would build, and then they’d live there for about sixty years, and then they’d burn the fucker down. Why? Nobody knows. They’d move somewhere else and do the whole thing over, and then maybe move back and rebuild the first city identically on the same foundations. In one place they did that thirteen times.
this is some SCP type shit. what was chasing them. what happened in these cities that they needed burning down over and over
…what
right????? also i forgot my favorite part: we can’t get buildings to burn down this way. we’ve tried, nobody has actually managed to set a fire that leaves the same kind of rubble. it is not…traditional…fire
Not that I don’t love a good excuse to ponder potential historical cryptids, but this might actually have a fairly straight-forward answer: 1. The fire they used is the legendary “Greek fire” that we *still* don’t know the formula of, and 2. They did it to end outbreaks of plagues or other diseases. A little extreme by our view, but if you think your city has been cursed by the gods, burning down the place and any person or animal touched by the “curse” might seem a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Or, maybe they were advanced enough to understand disease as disease instead of as a mysterious religious act and figured it was just what they had to do in order to survive as a people.
You discover that your garbage disposal is really the mouth of an eldritch monster. However, you realize this as you reach inside of it to recover your wedding ring.
“No no no no no!” I fumble for my ring as it teeters on the edge of the drain. “Oh come on!” I exclaim as it tips sideways and disappears. I had taken it off and placed it safely to the side of he sink while I worked, I don’t even know how it got knocked into the sink. Grumbling to myself I roll up my sleeves, make a face, and shove my hand into the garbage disposal.
“Give that back,” I mutter to myself as I feel around, blindly searching for my ring.
“WHAT WILL YOU GIVE ME FOR IT, MORTAL?”
I look around, no one else is in the room. I lean as far to the side as I can, still keeping my hand in the drain, craning my neck for a glance at the TV in the next room. It’s not on. I glance at my phone, still playing the podcast I had started when I started to work.
“I SAID, WHAT WILL YOU GIVE ME FOR IT, MORTAL?” Yup, the voice was definitely coming from the drain.
“How can you speak so clearly with my hand in your mouth?” I ask the garbage disposal?
“I WILL GIVE YOU BACK YOUR….. WAIT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?”
“I asked how you can speak so clearly with my hand in your mouth.” I reach further down the drain, I had just felt something round and metal “This isn’t telepathy,” I continue, “I’m hearing you with my ears, not my brain. But you enunciation is perfect..”
“WHY AREN’T YOU SCREAMING” the voice interrupts me. “USUALLY THE MORTALS SCREAM WHEN I ADDRESS THEM THE FIRST TIME.”
“Buddy,” I say pulling my hand out of the drain to wipe on my apron, “Think about what I’ve put down this drain today. I have to guess you’ve been eating it.”
There’s a faint grinding, unsurprising like a garbage disposal chewing through kitchen scraps.
“YARROW, MUGWORT, MOSTLY THE STALKS, SOME LEMON RINDS, AND A WHOLE LOT OF SALT…..DAMNIT, ARE YOU A WITCH?”
I chuckle, “You caught on faster than the thing in the basement. Took it years to figure out why I said hi to it every time I went down to do laundry. You’re welcome to stay, but I need to finish this spell and I would like my ring back.”
“WHAT WILL YOU GI…” The drain thing starts to ask again, before I cut if off.
“Dude I’ve been feeding you, and I just offered you a place in my home. Give me back my ring.” I hold my hand out palm flat, waiting.
“FINE.” And with that my ring shoots out of the drain to land neatly on my palm.
“Thank you.” I say as I head back to my work table, slipping the ring back on my finger.
“DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE OF THOSE LEMON RIDS?” my new house mate asks. “THEY WERE TASTY.”
“I’ll have a few more in a little bit, be patient.”
pretending that age of ultron literally never happened probably gets funnier if you just pretend that absolutely none of the events in it happened and try to fit the current MCU around it anyways. for example: the hulk just launched himself, unprompted, into space
Excuse me but those are rats. But that makes them even cuter!
How can you even tell?
Rats have pink tails, mice have tails in the same color like their fur is. And mice have more sharp pointed noses. Plus a mouse would be smaller. That babies are almost as tall as a grown up mouse is.
ADORABLE!
wtf how did you find 3 shiny rattata at once thats insane
my favorite trope maybe ever is the shitty witch. the witch who doesnt give a fuck about atmosphere or anything. if you ask her for an energy potion she’ll make you coffee with redbull in it and toss in a few herbs for flavor. her spellbook is this crusty ass 50-cent journal she picked up at walmart with coupons wedged between the pages. uses a candlestick for a wand. her familiar is a rabid squirrel she picked up off the street that exclusively dines on raw meat. probably owns a set of brass knuckles. they’re not enchanted or anything she just likes to do things the old-fashioned way sometimes
What language does a flame speak? How does one talk glowing lightning into one’s palm, from the rolling black thunderheads? By what strange means can one crystallise the very air into shards of ice? The Dark Art of Destruction has many answers, young spellspeaker…
There is naught in the world that cannot be embroidered back together by the magic of a goodly soul, young spellspeaker. A few jewelled words, a touch of silver light, a graceful touch – and every sorrow will surrender its crown to respite and healing…
Be you still, a moment – There are those that would enshroud you in visions so warm and fair that you would not notice the day dwindle and the night rise darkly. There are those, young spellspeaker, that weave a thousand stars from a handful of dust, or rose garden from a single thorn. But, all that glitters is not gold, oh, indeed…
The tiniest gem might hold a veritable maelstrom of magic! Great spells might waver in the fabric of the plainest cloak! This is the Enchanter’s work. Their magic is written into the souls of things, young spellspeaker, eternal poetry in warp and weft! Feel the hilt, or the hood, or the shimmering chainmail – and feel their signature!
DESTRUCTION RESTORATION ILLUSION ENCHANTMENT – New Magic-Inspired Candles by Gametee [HERE]
If you ever see a homeless lady on the street surrounded by scented candles, say hi ‘cause it’ll be me after I bankrupted myself from candle addiction. ❤
Nogling 