clairidryl:

gothiclolitapl:

kaylapocalypse:

envymyblackness:

hufflepuffskeepmovingforward:

kaijutegu:

proteusolm:

There’s something really terrifying about the concept of being pursued by something that can only walk slowly after. Just slooowly following. You can chill for a while if you get far enough away but it’s still coming.

That’s called “persistence hunting” and it’s how humans hunted all sorts of megafauna to extinction, as well as what let our species become so disperse and so numerous. Our existence is a horror story told from the monster’s perspective.

So you’re telling me zombie is absolutely a valid career path

Watch the movie on Netflix called “ It Follows” lol

Basically our hunting super power is that we are really smart, good at tools and can walk/run forever. 

My roommate Kait runs 20 miles 4 times a week.
Horses can only travel about 32 miles a day.

If my roommate ran 20 miles twice in one day (possible if she does one in the morning and one in the afternoon) she would out travel a horse.

 She is not FASTER than a horse, but if a horse was walking away from her for 8 solid hours,  Kait could catch up to it.  She could probably also walk after it for an additional 5-10 miles after the run and then stab it when it got too tired to go on.

But kait’s athletic. 

 I, on the other hand, am a fatty fat who weighs 210 and never exercises ever.

I once, completely spontaneously because i had no money for the train, walked 17 miles in the winter from one end of Chicago to the other. I had also not eaten and was wearing a backpack. It took me 3 hours, but I accomplished it with ease. If i wasn’t a chub goddess, and had eaten and it was summer and I wasn’t wearing a backpack with a laptop in it, imagine how far and fast I could have gone. 

Now. Horses can only sustain a run for about 15 miles ( at 8-10mph it takes them a little over an hour).

If my fat ass was walking towards a horse for 3 hours and it was literally running away from me. It would become exhausted after 15 miles and unless it can recover completely in 2 hours for another lengthy sprint, I can reasonably catch up to it and stab it. (not that i would ever stab a horse. horses are terrifying and should be regarded with suspicion, respect and fear)

The longest run ever was 350 miles over 80 hours without sleep.

We are endurance monsters. 

humans terrify me

“Our existence is a horror story told from the monsters perspective” is one of the coolest and most terrifying sentences I’ve ever thought about

thornsword:

magical-awesome-kid:

ominouslymathematical:

vampireapologist:

saltymommie:

vampireapologist:

saltymommie:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

Imagine one of those vampires that spent a few decades napping and now they’re trying to catch up as best they can so they’re in a library looking through years of old magazines and overhear some middle-schooler discussing her project about the moon-landing and they’re like “WHAT!!!”

“You have to tell me everything about this!!!”

A confused but enthusiastic sixth-grader unfolds her trifold poster board and tells an absolutely captivated 3000 year old man-eater about the space race.

More like “I LITERALLY HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN THROUGH THE RECONSTRUCTION ERA PLEASE TAG SPOILERS”

I’M!!

“Have you gotten to Franz Ferdinand being shot yet?”
An Austrian Vampire, angrily looking up from a ninth-grade history book: “are you FUCKING KIDDING ME??”

“yeah you know…lincoln doesnt get reelected”
Vampire: “well why NOT he seems perfectly capable and oooh…oh…”

FRICK

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

“So, you know pluto isn’t a planet, right?”

*Vampire chucks astronomy book written in 1994 at the person*

Imagine the vampire asking people who killed JFK and they’re all like ‘no one knows’ and the vampire just sighs and says ‘ok I know I said no spoilers but this is just getting ridiculous. someone tell me.”

bloodmagesurana:

Aries: the bitchass dragon that refuses to land and fight fair

Taurus: a mudcrab pretending to be a rock

Gemini: that quest where you get drunk with Sanguine and wake up in Markarth

Cancer: that bowl you accidentally picked up when you meant to grab the alchemy ingredient

Leo: that dog in Riverwood that’s named Stump

Virgo: Brynjolf’s accent

Libra: the sound that nirnroot makes

Scorpio: that one little girl in Whiterun who wants to fight everyone

Sagittarius: the wabbajack

Capricorn: that inexplicable need to try and jump up mountains instead of using the designated path

Aquarius: the bards that don’t sing but instead randomly whip out a drum

Pisces: that scatterbrained court wizard in Riften

rabbiteclair:

prokopetz:

My washing machine was making a terrible racket, so I stopped the cycle and opened it up to see what the problem was and a twenty-sided die tumbled out.

It rolled a 5.

The washing machine has rolled initiative. Your move.