aniseandspearmint:

sunreon:

there was a company at the tea festival selling mushroom “wellness” tea.

I took a small sip of one blend.

i read the ingredients on the box.

> shitake
> blah
> blah whatever
> cordyceps

me: can you please dump this cup out now thank you

the lady was like oh no it’s totally ok!!! it’s VEGAN cordyceps!! we grow it without the caterpillars!

THAT IS NOT THE OBJECTION I HAVE TO THIS INGREDIENT.

omg this is the perfect wtf start to a zombie apocalypse novel.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The figure in the video leans forward, idly propping their chin on one hand and gesturing expansively through the air with the other. The movement encompasses the warehouse around them. The cracked and oil stained cement floor, the weak sunlight filtering down on purposefully moving groups of people from high windows. The doors barricaded with two cargo vans, upon which stand several sentries armed with rifles.

“D.

Quintero here, location… Eh, fuck if I know. Somewhere in Nevada. Edge of the desert. The creepy crawlies don’t like temperature extremes much, so we’re as safe here as we can be, probably. Home sweet home for now. It’s not much, but it’s defensible, and we have roof access to set up the solar panels, and we scored big time, food wise. Entire crates of canned soup. I haven’t had Campbell soup in years. By choice, before all of this.”

There is a flurry of movement and raised voices, too far away to be comprehensible, and the figure turns for a moment, then snorts and faces the camera again.

“Just Leigh and Courtney being assholes again. Anyway, since we’ve got the power, and I’ve been carting around this Go Pro like a fool for the past year, I thought, why not set up a kind of video diary thing, for posterity. So if humanity actually survives this fucking mess, there’s a record of from someone who knows at least part of the beginning. I’ll write it down too, but I always liked the video blogging.”

The person pauses for a moment, a pensive look scrunching their face a little, before they smile sardonically.

“I think we all expected it to be the government that kicked it off. I mean, that’s mostly the way all the fictional ones started. Apocalypses, I mean.” They pause to take a long drink of some kind of brothy soup in a giant mug shaped like a cat head. After a moment they continue, gesturing again, this time with the half full mug.

“The governments are the ones with the suuuuper sekrit lab and stuff, right? And America at least had that surreal pentagon planned and approved zombie apocalypse scenario they published.”

The person runs a hand through their short, slightly grubby looking hair and shoots the most deadpan, dead inside, nothing-will-ever-shock-me-again look to grace a human face directly at the camera.

“But no, I shit you not, it was the vegans.”

mikkeneko:

thepioden:

roachpatrol:

rooksandravens:

probablygnomerpgideas:

Dungeons and Dragons but it’s a different letter of the alphabet

Grottoes and Gnomes

Oubliettes and Orcs

Basements and Bugbears

Caverns and Centaurs

Adventurers and Alcoves