you know how ppl wanted morgan freeman to narrate their life for a while? i think i want jeff goldblum to narrate mine just ‘she’s ahhhhh she’s kind of um she’s sitting there very quietly reading some uh ahahaha fanfiction and really, it’s great, it looks great, she’s feeling great i think she’s gonna uuhh scroll down a little bit more and see the hmm mmh yes action! ha, uh, yes.’
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when i was in like third grade i went to this science camp and one night at campfire they told us a story about a ufo crashing into a lake nearby and then later in the middle of the night they woke us all up and told us the aliens were back and this time they’d laid eggs in the woods !! it was our duty to arm ourselves and go destroy the eggs, so we armored up in tinfoil and shaving cream ( ????? ) and marched into the woods ready to save the planet. the ‘eggs’ were whole watermelons hidden around the camp and we had to smash them open on trees and rocks and eat the alien fetus/watermelon goo as fast as possible. i cannot emphasis enough the raw joy of digging into a watermelon with your bare hands and stuffing it into your face in the middle of the night in the woods, barely taking time to chew so that you can save the planet from hostile aliens, and i think i became the person i am because of that night.
me as a camp councelor
I can not stress this enough but, what the fuck.
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“WHAT DO U THINK UR DOING”
that is the best angry cat photobomb i’ve ever seen i love it so much and i can’t stop laughing
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I roll to pet the good boys
our dragonborn sorcerer when approached with two extremely large hostile guard dogs (via yourplayersaidwhat)
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A while back I heard my friend (male) insult another dude by saying, “You look like the kind of guy who wouldn’t go to Wal-Mart to buy his girlfriend a box of tampons” and I still think about that crowning insult sometimes
My dad once called another guy “someone who thinks loading the dishwasher once in a while makes him less of a man”
I like your dad already
one time my dad’s boss was giving him shit for always leaving work early so he could get home and help my mom with me when i was a newborn and his boss said “i’ve never changed a diaper in my life” really proudly and my dad responded “i’d be ashamed to ever admit i was that worthless of a husband”
oh WOW
This is by far my most popular post.
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Dear
Minerva,Thank
you so much for your kind letter of the 17th. It is always a pleasure
to hear from you. I do appreciate your waiving the rules about
familiars to allow Wednesday to bring little Homer – she dotes on
that spider, and I don’t think she could consider Hogwarts home
without his company.We
were delighted but completely unsurprised by the children’s Sorting.
Of course Wednesday is a Ravenclaw – she has always had a brilliant
mind, and it is rather traditional for the women in our
family. Slytherin might have been a possibility, with her cleverness
and ambition, but sadly (and quietly, between friends) I must admit
the wrong sort have rather taken over that House at the moment. Death
Eaters are so vulgar. Gomez, naturally, is over the moon about
our little Harry being a fellow Gryffindor – the world does need more
dashing, brave, and reckless men. They make life so interesting for
the rest of us, don’t you agree? And I am certain he will be safe
under your care, after his rather difficult start in life, poor
child. That aunt and uncle of his are just too terribly common to
protect him adequately – I am grateful Albus saw sense and left him
with us rather than her.I
appreciate your bringing to my attention the small difficulty between
Harry and Draco – I shall have a word with Narcissa. (Lucius is still
being terribly silly about that little peacock incident, and refuses
to speak to Gomez at all. Men can be so ridiculously proud. And they
really did look so much better in black.) Really, though, Harry was
only defending his friend. I probably should warn you that Wednesday
writes that she is teaching young Longbottom a few of her more subtle
defenses – I sincerely doubt Draco will trouble him in future if he
uses those. I assure you, none of them cause permanent damage, only
temporary discomfort, and she is well aware that they are only for
self-defense, not mere childish aggression. Addamses do not start
fights, but we do finish them, and Wednesday has always looked out
for her brothers.At
least that little incident allowed you to see Harry’s flying skills
in time to recruit him for the Quidditch team. I think he shall be an
excellent Seeker – he was always the best at bat-spotting on summer
evenings, and then there was the time he “borrowed” Gomez’s
broom to rescue Pugsley’s pet octopus Aristotle, who had developed an
unaccountable taste for tree-climbing, but had neglected to learn how
to climb down. It was a successful rescue, even though he was mildly hampered on his descent by Aristotle clinging to his face in terror.Please
send my apologies to Severus for that unfortunate incident in Potions
class. I should have warned him that Wednesday was experimenting
with, shall we say, some variant recipes. I am quite certain,
however, that Miss Parkinson’s hair will grow back normally, and that
the snakes are only a temporary embellishment.My
best regards, and do drop by for tea if you ever happen to be in the
neighborhood. Thing has perfected your favorite shortbread recipe – I
do believe he has a little crush on you. Or perhaps it is merely that
you are the only visitor we have had, outside of family, who is
sensible enough to shake hands with him without flinching.Yours
truly,Morticia
Addams
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One of the things that’s important in a long-running RPG is making a memorable plot that attains definitive closure. You don’t want players feeling like they have unfinished business and want to go Do More Things.
So, for instance, say you start dropping hints early on of some sort of epic Magical Badass, like a lich queen or something. Early on, the players don’t find out much; just that there’s someone called Zola who is behind a whole lot of strange shit, and a lot of it is not good. And they are never quite sure what she is. Wizard? Dragon? Lich? But eventually they find out: She has many forms, but her true form is one of the Medusas. Not the modern watered-down species that fall for the mirror crap and you have to meet their gaze, but a true abomination from beyond the veil, whose stare can turn whole armies to stone.
The reason this works as a plot is that the players will never speak to you again once they realize you spent six months building up to the reveal that the big cheese is the legendary gorgon Zola.
you’re grounded.
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hey guys here’s my review of how much various horror movies fit their titles
scream: there is a respectable amount of screaming. could have been called “guy in a screamy mask with a knife” but they took a risk with the title and I respect that 7/10
the descent: there is a good amount of descending in this movie 8/10
it follows: it does, in fact, follow 9/10
Oculus: dumb. Idk what oculus means and I don’t care. shld have been called “murder mirror” 0/10
the babadook: movie is based around an entity known as the babadook. very good 10/10
creep: I guess the guy is fairly creepy, but I i wish the title was a little more specific. Work the wolf mask in there next time 5/10
the exorcist: there is an exorcist 8/10
the houses that October built: October can’t build houses. It’s a month. Idiots. 2/10 because it does, at least, take place in October
silent hill: I don’t think there are any hills that are more silent than the average hill in this movie 1/10
paranormal activity: there is activity that is fairly paranormal 9/10
the blair witch project: I guess what they’re doing could be counted as a project, and it DOES involve the blair witch, but I’d call it more of a “documentary” than a “project” 7/10
split: there are, to the best of my knowledge, no splits of either the gymnastic or banana variety in this movie 0/10
the midnight meat train: there is a train at midnight, and some meat themes throughout the movie, but the train itself is not filled with meat 6/10
the conjuring: nothing is actually conjured. they’re actually trying to get rid of something, which is like. the opposite of conjuring -100/10
The Witch: There is a witch, but the real monster is bad parenting. 7/10
Ex Machina: Nothing really comes out of the machine. In fact the robot puts things on. 0/10
A Nightmare on Elm Street: False advertising. Several nightmares on Elm Street. 5/10
Get Out: Man should get out indeed. Audience should stay. Good flick. 10/10
Ouija: Origins: Failed. Not a documentary about the creation of the Ouija Board from Hasbro nor the history of the spiritualist movement. It was all just character relationships and people talking about feelings. -10/10
Friday the 13th: Takes place on the date specified, but could have just as easily have taken place any other day. 6/10
Rosemary’s Baby: The plot focuses more on the lead-up to Rosemary’s baby. Should have been called “Rosemary’s Pregnancy and Subsequent Demon Baby”. 4.5/10
Halloween: While not about Halloween in specific, the plot is very Halloween centric. 7/10
Alien: Yup. That’s an alien alright. 9/10
House of 1000 Corpses: I admire this movie’s goal of 1000 dead bodies in a single film, but it falls dreadfully short of its mark. There are only 78-124 corpses in this movie, depending on what you define as a “corpse”. 78-124/1000
the hills have eyes: actually, none of the hills have any eyes, and they aren’t even very impressive or noticeable hills in the first place. but i guess hills do play a role. 3/10
saw: the saw doesn’t really play an important role until the end, would have made more sense to call it shackles or room or game. 1/10
the shining: the power of that name comes up only twice, saves no-one. should have been called something like “domestic violence, but supernatural”. 2/10
let the right one in: a film about letting in a bloodsucking murderous vampire, so i feel like maybe “right” is a bit of a stretch here. great film though, and letting them in is actually a big plot point. 7/10
jennifer’s body: i assume the name is because it’s not really her doing the killing, but her dead body that has become a revenant. ok i guess. 8/10
the silence of the lambs: has absolutely NO lambs and not even that much silence. disappointing. 1/10
a girl walks home alone at night: a girl – debatable, she seems like an adult and is also undead. walks – no, she’s on a skateboard. home – i guess eventually, but not until she has stalked and murdered some creeps. alone – mostly, so i’ll let that count. at night – yes definitely takes place at night. ok score, good film. 6/10
funny games: not funny at all, actually pretty horrifying! not a comedy about playing funny games! really misleading title!! 0/10
the cabin in the woods: sounds like the cabin is to blame, which really isn’t fair. the cabin is the only truly innocent one in this scenario. does take place in a cabin in the woods though. 5/10
ginger snaps: can’t argue with this one. ginger sure does snap, and i don’t blame her. 10/10
evil dead: i’m not sure if you could say that these dead are evil themselves, so much as you could say that the dead have been animated by some evil force(s) for the purpose of… uh… umm… 6.5/10
the grudge: more of a curse than a grudge, actually literally a curse and not a grudge at all. though i suppose you could consider the vengeful spirit to have a grudge, maybe? 2/10
the awakening: while not an awakening in a literal sense, i guess this did have, like, a personal revelation style awakening. still, this title could have been clearer. 7.5/10
the orphanage: takes place in an orphanage, however for most of the movie the orphanage is not operational and houses no orphans. 4/10
lake placid: i get that it’s the name of the lake, but in a literal sense this lake is not placid at all, because it contains a giant alligator that eats people. 2/10
sweet home: primary location of film is neither home nor sweet. 0/10
two sisters: misleading. 1/10
I was straight up creeping around on people’s tumblrs because I am “snowed” in and have more time on my hands than usual, so it is probably both disturbing and a faux pas to do this, but I want to play.
resident evil: bad guys do not live in a domicile of evil nor appear to be doctors in training with malicious hearts. engineering world-wide apocalypse does seem pretty evil, but not sure what resident status has to do with it. 2/10
the purge: did not depict any old timey medical treatments involving laxatives. should have been renamed ‘holy shit, art is becoming true life and we’re all going to die’. 1/10
sinister: was not the name of the evil spirit with the videotaping compulsion. also underwhelming in that movie was not sinister but was instead incredibly fucking disturbing and also i am going to cry in a corner now. 3/10
trick ‘r treat: trick or treating did occur in this film. balance was heavily weighted to trick side of equation. would have been more accurate if ‘trick’ font had been 5 times larger than ‘treat’ font. 3/10
tucker & dale versus evil: did include characters named tucker and dale. far less versus than advertised. should have been renamed “affable hillbillies encounter accidental suicide cult”. 5/10
underworld: not sure if sewers and subway tunnels can be counted as under the world. outside of that, most action took place above the world or literally in contact with the world. 0/10
the thing: thing is so broad that it cannot be argued that it was not, in fact, a thing. 7/10
you’re next: have not been decapitated or otherwise murdered after watching this movie. was not next, as it happens. 1/10
pitch black: action was still visible on screen, so did not reach the level of pitch blackness. 0/10
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-pitch dark
-you get a revolver and a glow stick to traverse the store and defend yourself from shambling horrorsFor some reason I picture @copperbadge frequenting such places.
(or this could totally be turned into a Carol/Jess fic because i can see Jess dragging Carol into one of these places and I may have to attempt to write that now)
That’s my favorite kind of antique store!
Real talk I have been to several “antique malls” (big barnlike buildings where people rent cubicles to sell their stuff) and there’s always one dark, weird corner of the building where you find the most interesting stuff.
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Nogling 